wie die Welt funktioniert

Dieses Thema im Forum "Small Talk" wurde erstellt von Duc916, 14. September 2003.

  1. Duc916

    Duc916 New Member

    Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?

    A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction, honey.

    Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.

    A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.

    Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?

    A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.

    Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of
    mass destruction, did we?

    A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll
    find something, probably right before the 2004 election.

    Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?

    A: To use them in a war, silly.

    Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to
    use in a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we
    went to war with them?

    A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those
    weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend
    themselves.

    Q: That doesn't make sense Daddy. Why would they choose to die if
    they had all those big weapons to fight us back with?

    A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.

    Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those
    weapons our government said they did.

    A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those
    weapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway.

    Q: And what was that?

    A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam
    Hussein was a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade
    another country.

    Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his
    country?

    A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.

    Q: Kind of like what they do in China?

    A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic
    competitor where millions of people work for slave wages in
    sweatshops to make U.S. corporations richer.

    Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American
    corporate gain, it's a good country, even if that country tortures
    people?

    A: Right.

    Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?

    A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the
    government.People who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to
    prison and tortured.

    Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?

    A: I told you, China is different.

    Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?

    A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while
    China is Communist.

    Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?

    A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.

    Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?

    A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba
    are sent to prison and tortured.

    Q: Like in Iraq?

    A: Exactly.

    Q: And like in China, too?

    A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other
    hand, is not.

    Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?

    A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some
    laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business
    with Cuba until they stopped being Communists and started being
    capitalists like us.

    Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and
    started doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans
    become capitalists?

    A: Don't be a smart-***.

    Q: I didn't think I was being one.

    A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba.

    Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?

    A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam
    Hussein came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a
    legitimate leader anyway.

    Q: What's a military coup?

    A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a
    country by force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the
    United States.

    Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?

    A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan
    is our friend.

    Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?

    A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.

    Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by
    forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an
    illegitimate leader?

    A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he
    helped us invade Afghanistan.

    Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?

    A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.

    Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?

    A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men, fifteen of them Saudi
    Arabians hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into
    buildings, killing over 3,000 Americans.

    Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?

    A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive
    rule of the Taliban.

    Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off
    people's heads and hands?

    A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off
    people's heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.

    Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars
    back in May of 2001?

    A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job
    fighting drugs.

    Q: Fighting drugs?

    A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing
    opium poppies.

    Q: How did they do such a good job?

    A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban
    would have their hands and heads cut off.

    Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing
    flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands
    off for other reasons?

    A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off
    people's hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off
    people's hands for stealing bread.

    Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?

    A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy
    that oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they
    were in public, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who
    did not comply.

    Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?

    A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.

    Q: What's the difference?

    A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest
    yet fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for
    her eyes and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool
    of Patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman's body except
    for her eyes and fingers.

    Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name.

    A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis
    are our friends.

    Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th
    were from Saudi Arabia.

    A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.

    Q: Who trained them?

    A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.

    Q: Was he from Afghanistan?

    A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very
    bad man.

    Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.

    A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet
    invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.

    Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald
    Reagan talked about?

    A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or
    thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We
    call them Russians now.

    Q: So the Soviets, I mean the Russians, are now our friends?

    A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years
    after they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to
    support our invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also
    mad at the French and the Germans because they didn't help us invade
    Iraq either.

    Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?

    A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French
    fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.

    Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what
    we want them to do?

    A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.

    Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?

    A: Well, yeah. For a while.

    Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?

    A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him
    our friend, temporarily.

    Q: Why did that make him our friend?

    A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.

    Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?

    A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we
    looked the other way, to show him we were his friend.

    Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically
    becomes our friend?

    A: Most of the time, yes.

    Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically
    an enemy?

    A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can
    profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the
    better.

    Q: Why?

    A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for
    America. Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war
    is a godless un-American Communist. Do you understand now why we
    attacked Iraq?

    Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?

    A: Yes.

    Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?

    A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells
    him what to do.

    Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because
    George W. Bush hears voices in his head?

    A. Yes! You finally understand how the world works.
     
  2. maiden

    maiden Lever duat us slav

    es ist alles viel einfacher. Mal am Stammtisch einiger Mitglieder fragen!
     
  3. macixus

    macixus Hofrat & Traktorist

    ...oder gleich den maiden.
     
  4. maiden

    maiden Lever duat us slav

    Oder Dich?
    Als Experte für Scheuklappen.
     
  5. j.meister

    j.meister New Member

    Doofe Welt, komplizierter Scheissendreck...



    Kennt Ihr den:


    George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

    Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

    George: Great. Lay it on me.

    Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

    George: That's what I want to know.

    Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

    George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

    Condi: Yes.

    George: I mean the fellow's name.

    Condi: Hu.

    George: The guy in China.

    Condi: Hu.

    George: The new leader of China.

    Condi: Hu.

    George: The Chinaman!

    Condi: Hu is leading China.

    George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

    Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

    George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

    Condi: That's the man's name.

    George: That's who's name?

    Condi: Yes.

    George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

    Condi: Yes, sir.

    George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

    Condi: That's correct.

    George: Then who is in China?

    Condi: Yes, sir.

    George: Yassir is in China?

    Condi: No, sir.

    George: Then who is?

    Condi: Yes, sir.

    George: Yassir?

    Condi: No, sir.

    George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
    Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

    Condi: Kofi?

    George: No, thanks.

    Condi: You want Kofi?

    George: No.

    Condi: You don't want Kofi.

    George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

    Condi: Yes, sir.

    George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

    Condi: Kofi?

    George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

    Condi: And call who?

    George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

    Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

    George: Will you stay out of China?!

    Condi: Yes, sir.

    George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

    Condi: Kofi.

    George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
     
  6. maiden

    maiden Lever duat us slav

  7. RaMa

    RaMa New Member

    dies erfreud das kleine dackelherz, gell?
     
  8. Harlequin

    Harlequin Gast

    In der Tat, ein echter Brueller . . .
    :D :D :D

    .
     
  9. maiden

    maiden Lever duat us slav

    von einem kleinkarrierten Dummsülzer mit einer Allgemeinbildung und einem Wissen wie das eines schlechten Hauptschöölers, wie Dir, kann man nichts anderes mehr erwarten.
     
  10. mhe

    mhe New Member

    zum totlachen, ich hab's gleich weitergeschickt.

    Mehr davon.
     
  11. RaMa

    RaMa New Member

    schließ nicht von dir auf andere...
     
  12. maiden

    maiden Lever duat us slav

    tu ich ja nicht. Aber Du kapierst es nicht. Da fehlt´s.
     
  13. j.meister

    j.meister New Member

    Ich mag das gerne, wenn sich alle lieb so lieb haben [​IMG]
     
  14. RaMa

    RaMa New Member

    schon wieder, ich glaub das is ein tick von dir?
    geh mal wieder zum onkel doktor für geisteskrankheiten...
     
  15. mac_the_mighty

    mac_the_mighty New Member

    oder schaltet mal alle Eure Ignore-Funktion an, damit Ihr Euch in Zukunft nicht immer diese Beleidigungen um die Ohren werfen müsst.
     
  16. Harlequin

    Harlequin Gast


    Hhhmm, ich glaub´, Du hast es immer noch nicht?

    .
     
  17. maiden

    maiden Lever duat us slav

    ...der Rat eines Dummbatz.
    Also nebensächlich.
     
  18. Duc916

    Duc916 New Member

    Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?

    A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction, honey.

    Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.

    A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.

    Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?

    A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.

    Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of
    mass destruction, did we?

    A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll
    find something, probably right before the 2004 election.

    Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?

    A: To use them in a war, silly.

    Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to
    use in a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we
    went to war with them?

    A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those
    weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend
    themselves.

    Q: That doesn't make sense Daddy. Why would they choose to die if
    they had all those big weapons to fight us back with?

    A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.

    Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those
    weapons our government said they did.

    A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those
    weapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway.

    Q: And what was that?

    A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam
    Hussein was a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade
    another country.

    Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his
    country?

    A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.

    Q: Kind of like what they do in China?

    A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic
    competitor where millions of people work for slave wages in
    sweatshops to make U.S. corporations richer.

    Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American
    corporate gain, it's a good country, even if that country tortures
    people?

    A: Right.

    Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?

    A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the
    government.People who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to
    prison and tortured.

    Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?

    A: I told you, China is different.

    Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?

    A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while
    China is Communist.

    Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?

    A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.

    Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?

    A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba
    are sent to prison and tortured.

    Q: Like in Iraq?

    A: Exactly.

    Q: And like in China, too?

    A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other
    hand, is not.

    Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?

    A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some
    laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business
    with Cuba until they stopped being Communists and started being
    capitalists like us.

    Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and
    started doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans
    become capitalists?

    A: Don't be a smart-***.

    Q: I didn't think I was being one.

    A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba.

    Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?

    A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam
    Hussein came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a
    legitimate leader anyway.

    Q: What's a military coup?

    A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a
    country by force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the
    United States.

    Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?

    A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan
    is our friend.

    Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?

    A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.

    Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by
    forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an
    illegitimate leader?

    A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he
    helped us invade Afghanistan.

    Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?

    A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.

    Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?

    A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men, fifteen of them Saudi
    Arabians hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into
    buildings, killing over 3,000 Americans.

    Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?

    A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive
    rule of the Taliban.

    Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off
    people's heads and hands?

    A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off
    people's heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.

    Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars
    back in May of 2001?

    A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job
    fighting drugs.

    Q: Fighting drugs?

    A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing
    opium poppies.

    Q: How did they do such a good job?

    A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban
    would have their hands and heads cut off.

    Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing
    flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands
    off for other reasons?

    A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off
    people's hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off
    people's hands for stealing bread.

    Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?

    A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy
    that oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they
    were in public, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who
    did not comply.

    Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?

    A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.

    Q: What's the difference?

    A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest
    yet fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for
    her eyes and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool
    of Patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman's body except
    for her eyes and fingers.

    Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name.

    A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis
    are our friends.

    Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th
    were from Saudi Arabia.

    A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.

    Q: Who trained them?

    A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.

    Q: Was he from Afghanistan?

    A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very
    bad man.

    Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.

    A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet
    invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.

    Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald
    Reagan talked about?

    A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or
    thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We
    call them Russians now.

    Q: So the Soviets, I mean the Russians, are now our friends?

    A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years
    after they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to
    support our invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also
    mad at the French and the Germans because they didn't help us invade
    Iraq either.

    Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?

    A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French
    fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.

    Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what
    we want them to do?

    A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.

    Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?

    A: Well, yeah. For a while.

    Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?

    A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him
    our friend, temporarily.

    Q: Why did that make him our friend?

    A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.

    Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?

    A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we
    looked the other way, to show him we were his friend.

    Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically
    becomes our friend?

    A: Most of the time, yes.

    Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically
    an enemy?

    A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can
    profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the
    better.

    Q: Why?

    A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for
    America. Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war
    is a godless un-American Communist. Do you understand now why we
    attacked Iraq?

    Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?

    A: Yes.

    Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?

    A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells
    him what to do.

    Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because
    George W. Bush hears voices in his head?

    A. Yes! You finally understand how the world works.
     
  19. maiden

    maiden Lever duat us slav

    es ist alles viel einfacher. Mal am Stammtisch einiger Mitglieder fragen!
     
  20. macixus

    macixus Hofrat & Traktorist

    ...oder gleich den maiden.
     

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